OT- DD and her Dad

[shelly]

Hi
I was hoping someone can help me with a small problem we are having ATM.
Maddy at times totally rejects her Dad. DP and I are happy together - no fights ect, we provide a loving home to Maddy but at times she wont have a bar of her Dad. To the point where she gets histerical and has a massive tantrum - even something such as DP saying "can I have a kiss" sets her off. DP is starting to get a bit hurt (I know she is only 2 but I would be hurt if it was me).
He is playing happily with her now but more often than not if its not me getting her juice, bathing her, putting her to bed she just goes crazy and screams for me.
Maddy and I have a special bond and she has always been a "mummys girl" but lately I am finding it draining and tiring as I have to do anything. It hasnt always been this way and I seem to think we fell into this happening as it was easier when I went back to work - I just took over IYKWIM (maybe it was daycare guilt ).
I just want to find a way to gently get her more "happier" with her dad (OMG while I was typing this she just gave him a kiss LOL)
Even just some reassurance that its normal would be great.
Thanks
Shelly

[Ying]

Wow Shelly, that must be tough for both you and your husband. We haven't had it as bad as your case (Becky is only 8 months) but before my mum left, Becky didn't want a lot to do with her dad either. I guess it comes to which person they spend most of their time with. Becky happily plays with her dad but doesn't want him to put her to bed or stuff like that. Things are improved now that her dad gives her more of his time but it's still me who has to do most things.
I don't have any advice but just want to say that you're not the only family having that problem. Good luck I hope Maddy will come around soon

Hey Shelly You know that old chestnut "this too shall pass'"? I think it's your mantra here. Honestly, it sounds like pretty normal 2 ish year old boundary pushing and exploration to me. I know it doesn't make it any easier, but I'm sure your dd has no real resentment issues towards her dad, and that it is just something she's working through. I know it's draining, my ds is a real mum's lad, if I'm out of sight he has a bit of a paddy, and it's hard, because I can't just hand him over yk? But it's not forever.

Is your dp upset by all this - what does he think it is?

[~*Rebecca*~]

Both my girls went through this stage and the only way I could actually have time to myself and they spent time with him was for me to leave the house.

I used to go for a walk everynight and it got really hard as Neve would scream but eventually she got used to her dad and started enjoying their time together.

I would say it is the old "if see mum then that is who they want,but it you aren't in sight then she has to go to who is there".

Flynn is totally differnt he goes to Shaun no worries.

Today we went to a funeral and Shaun younger brother was there and he looks alot like Shaun. ANy way Shauns brother had hold of Flynn and Shaun put his arms out to him to say "come to dad" and Flynn just snuggled in to his uncle like he would his dad. I think he was very confused. He has only seen his uncle once before and at 10months i'm sure he doens't remember that.

Be persistant and she will like staying with her dad soon.

[kelli]

Nienna does it occasionally with her dad too. She cries that she doesn't want to stay with him and she has been fine going to his house for the past 12mths and usually loves it. It has only jsut started and she is just 2 so maybe an age thing. Beren has been pretty cruisy though

[Eilleen]

Hi Shelly!

Yep, totally normal for a child to prefer one parent over the other. Its around the age of 3 that children start wanting to have another adult look after them. Jade always wanted me and its only now that she wants to be with DH. In fact, her favourite saying at the moment is: "with Daddy only - not you - Daddy."

As you said while you're typing, just because she prefers you at this stage, doesn't mean she doesn't love Daddy. She just wants you and its as simple as that.

From what I've read, the best way to encourage your child to be a bit more social with another adult (in this case, your DP) is for you as the primary carer to be openly affectionate wth DP and he back to you. The more she sees you being openly affectionate with each other, the more she will likely be openly affectionate with Daddy as well.

Anyway, try to relax into it and in the meantime, try to recharge when you can - even if Maddy is concentrating on you and wanting you, having DP massage your shoulders or whatever, while you are doing whatever you need to do might be just enough to encourage Maddy to want to be a bit more with Daddy..... and if not and you have to wait another year or so for her to want Daddy, then at least you got some great massages out of it!

[kermi]

Don't worry Shelly, I agree that most girls go through this at her age. Hannah did it for quite a while but now that she is 4 going on 5, she is a real Daddy's girl. When she was younger she often spent time with her Dad here on the coast while I was with Calen in Brisbane for up to 10 days at a time. She craved her time with me more then.
Now she only wants to be with Dad...... because he works away most of the week. Liam doesn't mind either way. Calen has really only ever had me so he's still happier to stick with me - even at eleven (and even if he won't openly admit it! LOL )

[Lucretia]

Kaia was like this for a lot of the time age 2-3. She's well grown out of it now at age 4

[Lousmum]

wait till she's older and she says "i don't love you, i love Dad". that's what I get right now from Louis. mostly when I'm telling him to stop doing something he shouldn't be doing.

[Peach_Bums_Mum]

Houston is mummys boy - daddy cant feed him, bathe him, read him stories, put him to bed and yep, kiss or cuddle him if Im around - and hes 4 now - still hasnt outgrown this phase. Perfectly normal although somewhat hurtful to the less liked parent Im sure. I agree that if you wernt there she would probably be absolutley fine with her daddy. Perfect excuse for you to have some valuble time alone!