i cant find the right place to vent!

[Peach_Bums_Mum]

My DS is very intelligent, very energetic and very trying too! I have worked in child proterction services and studied appropriate and effective discipline techniques. But having DS was the best learning experience of all. These are the things that work for us;

-Be clear about expectations & be consistant with consequences if they are not met. This takes a lot of hard work and patience initially and its not a cure all - you got to keep at it - but it does get easier if your consistant.
-Dont give unlimited chances - ie. if you say "pick up your toy please", make sure they do it then and there, dont leave it so you have to ask again - supervise them if need be. If they will not, then punishment is immediate - ie the toy is put out of reach for a day, two, a week - whatever you decide is reasonable. And dont give in and give it back 1/2 hour later cause they were good for that 1/2 hour. A punishment stands regardless.
-Never make a threat you cant or wont follow through on.
-Always stay in control - dont yell or hit. If your loosing control, leave the room - take 5 deap breathes, chant something calming, then return to the room in control and with a plan of action.
-Speak in a clear authoritive tone but respectfully.
-Choose your fights (ie dont nag or bicker about the small stuff) but if you do choose to fight, NEVER loose or give in - no matter how long it takes!
-Dont ignore inappropriate behaviour - hitting is not ok whether its for attention or not. Deal with it immediatley, consistantly and firmly.
-Give a load of positive feedback when something is done well - be mindful to watch out for opportunities to praise.

Also, I know some people dont like them, but "timeouts" do work when done correctly - they give the child a chance to release their anger, calm down and be thoughtful about the situation they have created. The child should be put somewhere they can be supervised (though not stood over and watched) but completley boring - like sat at an empty dining table or in a bare corner of a silent room. Keep your tone low but respectful, keep eye contact and explain why they are there and what the expectation of them now is. Sometimes timeouts work alone, sometimes they work better combined with another discipline type (like confiscating something of value to the child). Always go to the child when releasing and get the child to apologise before they come out of time out.

Now if only I could take my own advice & implement all these perfectly all the time....
Seriously though, a lot of these are cliche, but they do work if done properly

[Carla]

Donna I'll happily take him
One condition! You have my FULL OF ATTITUDE 7 yo!!!!!!!!!!
When do we arrange the swap??
LOL

[~*Bron*~]

raising boys' -steve biddulph. full of light bulb moments

www.fedupwithfoodadditives.com.au -amazing how the foods we give our children impacts on their behaviour

hi
my 3 yr old is umm how to say it "interesting" we recently cut out preservitive 282 out of her diet, there has been big changes suddenly instead of looking through me she is looking at me, just a thought, i tried everything imaginable but this has really helped
good luck

added, just saw bronnies post, the book "fed up" has been doing the rounds in our family for years!

[Esther]

Hi

First up hugs.

My dd use to behave a lot like this and she is very bright. She would come straight up to me and hit me and I had no idea why. Also she just wouldn't listen and kept screaming all time. Eventually I realised there were reasons why she behavied the way she did. She was tired, bored or hungry but also she just had trouble communicating with me. All her thoughts and ideas were locked up in her head and she was very frustrated. When she came up and hit me it was because she wan't something to eat. It took me ages to work this out but now I try to talk to her as much as possible and get her to tell me what she wants. Also I say what she should say if she wants something. Now she is talking alot more and telling me lots of ideas she has in her head (it is very interesting). She has also been rough with her younger brother and now she tells me that he was touching her and she wanted to be left alone (which is fair enough Deklan is very clingy).

Hope this helps

Esther

[MadMumof3]

lol thanks gals . bronnie i might have to give that link a good look at . maybe it is a little to do with additives tho he doesnt eat a lot of junk and only drinks milk and water.

thanks Helen for the ideas on tackling the bahavioural issues i must get dp to read this thread to as he just gives in to liam all the time.

esther - trouble is liam doesnt shut up at all. he tells you exactly what he wants all the time.

ok i am going to have a good talk to dp about the way we deal with liam and hopefully we can get a little of our lovely little man back sometimes.

carla - nah i think i'll keep him for the min

also i try to pick my fights with him but at times , but some days everything gets to me iykwim. i am going back to having them in daycare 2 days a week to give me a break (chance to keep up with sewing) they are going one day at the moment. and i dont think its enough. (well not for me)

thanks again gals for all the hints and tips i really appreciate it!

[cjmjsmum]

Donna hugs matey you know you can bug me if you ever need to. But don't forget it's just not the junk food thats the problem. Cooper can't have vegimite, some jams, some breakfast cereals( whcih are more the junkie one anyway), can't have certain bread. I would really look at the additive thing. You know the difference its made in this house. Ane don't hesitate to call any time you need to either.

[MadMumof3]

thanks mel might have to come have a cuppa and chat and try get some ideas on food etc etc

[cjmjsmum]

make sure you do, but be prepared to get confused lol. Cooper can have saladas, but not savoy biscuits. but its soo worth it in the end. Well for us it is anyway